Month: August 2019

Insecurities are bound to creep in any new relationship. Wondering about whether someone will like and accept you, whether they’ll like the carefully chosen aesthetic of your apartment, whether they notice the borborygmi you just had and many more.

While small insecurities are natural, bigger worries can question your faith on your partner and worse, can lead you to detrimental consequences. To help you avoid getting into the worst scenarios, we are here exploring some ways to overcome these dating insecurities. 

1. Embrace Self-Love to Unlock Happiness

Low self-esteem can be a big cause of being unhappy. You don’t feel confident and become hostage to your opinion which convinces you that you are unworthy of love. Gradually, it leads you to a point where you fall into trust issues with your partner. Furthermore, when you are under such an impression, you naturally compensate by striving to build a better version of yourself and prove yourself worthy which eventually drains you.

The only way to get over this insecurity is to tap yourself into believing that you are as lovable as your partner. The more you practice this, the more you feel worthy and overcome the insecurity 

2. Relax and Enjoy the Ride

Feeling hopeless about yourself is another insecurity that you may feel while in a relationship. You may be putting in so much effort to your relationship without receiving desirable results may subject you to the feeling that you are not worthy enough. While it may be true in some cases, in most of the instances these are merely the results of overthinking or putting yourself under test on hypothetical parameters. Instead of continuing working hard to get the love up to that hypothetical level, avoid applying the principles of logic, strategizing to each and everything. 

3. Be Open to See What Your Significant Other Has to Offer

Instead of exhausting yourself trying to prove your love to the potential partner, let him show what he has for you. Allow him space to demonstrate his love for you and show that he is the love of your life. This advice goes along with playfulness and feeling lovable.

Be curious to know about him and his feelings as he expresses. How will he make you feel? What will he do to wow you? Doing this will help you to overcome insecurity in dating significantly. You are not the one who needs to perform.

4. Be Proactive and Open About What You Are After

Somehow we assume that it is not good to express what we expect from our partners. We are afraid we might portray ourselves as overdemanding. That is the reason we often neglect opening up. However, if you want to have a great relationship with your partner, this is something you should not be doing. If you go inexpressive on a date, the other person may not be able to figure out anything from the mixed messages. 

Express how you want the relationship to be, and encourage your partner to do the same. Many times, our significant other also desires a relationship as we want it. However, if you refrain from letting your partner know, they too feel uncomfortable to be upfront. You will only end winding in the so-called guessing game and make your relationship vulnerable.

5. When Going Gets Tough, Focus on the Positive Stuff

​Of course, you may feel discouraged at times in spite of all the right measures. When one thing in your life brings you down, I would suggest focusing emotionally on other things in life.

Step away from the area that causes you distress.  In this case, we are talking about love and dating. When you feel discouraged about dating, you can have a period of stopping your efforts briefly until you elevate your mood.

6. Don’t Take Things Personally When They Don’t Work Out

It can be tough when a guy that you really like doesn’t like you back to the same degree. But what’s important to remember is that your self-worth isn’t tied to one person’s opinion. If it didn’t work out with one person, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It may not even be that he didn’t like you. Perhaps it was the wrong timing for both of you.

The Bottom Line

Insecurities can come out from time to time in even the most stable relationships. You can’t control your partner’s emotions, but you can be the most supportive, loving version of yourself possible. What relationship issues do you struggle with?  When it comes to your relationships, what makes you feel insecure? Leave us a comment below sharing your thoughts.

Let’s face it: When we are in a new relationship, we tend to look at our partners through proverbial rose-colored glasses. 

The flaws (even if we find them) are too quickly written off: He avoids introducing you to his friends and family? Well, it’s going to happen when it happens. She tends to leave all the stuff scattered around. That’s okay, you’re too orderly for both of you.

But it’s only until a few days. Once you get practical and explore your relationship better, you realize that the issues are too serious to overlook. You can ignore some problems or probably sort them out. But for some, you need to accept that there’s nothing common there that you have with your date. And so, it’s time to move on. 

Here the dating experts at Eureka weigh down six red flags that should be a cause for concern in any relationship.

1. You Need to Change Your Real Self to Make Your Partner Happy.

Having some changes introduced in your life for the sake of your partner’s happiness is okay. We all do it to make it up to our partner’s individual taste. You binge-watch an entire season of “Friends” because your partner is gaga over it. Some of you attempt to go vegan because your loved one has been used to that lifestyle for years. 

It only becomes a real issue when you feel the need to change who you are at your core to satisfy your partner. It’s a definite problem when you find yourself molding your values, opinions and even your clothing style to suit your partner.

2. Nitpicking and Criticism – Even if Said in Jest – are Constant in the Relationship

Your hourly texts annoy him. She kiddingly compares her convent education to the one you received at state school, even though dismissively. 

It may seem fine at once, but it becomes a habit for your partner to become over critical to affecting your self-esteem, it’s time to speak up for yourself or maybe jump ship. 

Even if there are certain traits in your partner that you can’t go on with, talk your way our respectfully. Don’t over criticize or put them through subtle comparison – neither casually not aggressively.

3. Your Partner Makes all of the Big Relationship Decision

You only go on dates or spend time together when it is convenient for your significant other. Your partner forces you to hang out only with his friends and family. 

You accompany your girlfriend to each of her workplace celebrations and friends’ parties. However, she never invites you to her family gatherings, and she is disinterested to accompany you to social gatherings you attend. 

Feels like deja vu? It’s time to reevaluate your relationship and leave if necessary. If the relationship is meant to flourish between two people, both of you matter. 

4. You Want More “ME” Time – But Your Partner Wants More “WE” Time

You are desperately in need of some time to yourself while your partner is complaining about how rare you guys see each other.  Simply put, you cannot figure out the amount of time that is mutually comfortable to spend together. If your frequency of connecting is too low or too high, you need to talk your way out and fix the issue. When unattended, it can lead to big problems in the future. 

5. You Feel Personally Responsible For Your Partner’s Happiness

If you ignore the inner red flags as soon as you realize that your partner relies on you or it might affect their emotional balance if you retaliate, it is the right time you start giving yourself some priority. It is essential for you to understand that each person is responsible for his or her happiness – it comes from within. You, as a person, are also important. 

6. Your Partner Controls Who You See and What You Do

This is the biggest red flag of all. If you find your partner is controlling your time with friends or family, your finances, clothing choices, or how much makeup you wear, it is time you pay attention to the issue. Talk to your partner and explain to them the damage he/she is doing to you. If they fail to understand or are unwilling to change, leave ASAP.

Conclusion

Bad relationships are hard to accept, especially if you are in the middle of one. 

If you are truly in a toxic relationship, think about it. Don’t make yourself excuses for your partner’s offensive behavior. Explore the solutions, and if it gets too complicated to be solved, love yourself enough to walk away.

Strong relationships don’t happen overnight and automatically. Simply believing it to be the best relationship ever because you guys are madly in love, is no justification to pay less attention to the relationship. Although love is the foundation of a relationship, love is not enough. In order to foster a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work for it and put efforts. 

Putting these ten tips will great appease any hardship ahead in your relationship. Let us elaborate each of them and guide you to a healthy relationship. 

1. Try Not to Focus on Trifles

Before you pick a fight, wait. Analyze the situation and make sure you are not fighting over something unworthy of attention. Generally, a seemingly minor problem is a manifestation of a bigger problem. Simply talk about what actually bothers your mind, instead of getting angry about loud music. As simple as that.

2. Share, Share and Share

No matter what feeling it is – good or bad, if it bothers you make sure it reaches to your partner. Your hopes, your fears, your passion, everything. Introduce your real self to your partner. Find some time each day to talk about each other and things that matter to each of you as an individual. Opening up to your partner makes the relationship deeper.

3. Be a Friend to Your Partner

Treat your partner as you would treat a good and trusted friend: with respect, consideration, and without judgment. Pave the way to create a sense of confidence that enables them to be comfortable around you, and encourage them to do the same. Respect each other’s personal space. It will go a long way to stimulate a stronger relationship. 

4. Resolve Arguments on Priority

Couple fights are common and inevitable. The key to a happy relationship lies in how well you can resolve those conflicts. Don’t fall prey to the win/lose dynamics. Consider disagreements as a problem you need to solve, not a battle where one army has to defeat the other. Avoid the blame game. Take charge by replacing “i” and “you” with “we.”

5. Don’t Miss an Opportunity to Show Affection

Making out is one thing. But getting your affection being felt is priceless to maintain the spark in your relationship. Holding hands, a hug, simple words of praise or anything that demonstrates your attention goes a long way to create a deep connection and sense of trust. Further, if you feel attention-deficit, make sure to convey it to your partner in the most respected and lovable form. 

6. See the Brighter Side

Positivity instills an aura of happiness in a relationship. Understand that each one of us is a “work in progress.” We grow through the negatives to win on our demons. Don’t be a challenge to your partner’s endeavor. That said, it’s not also good to ignore the vital things. In case the problem doesn’t resolve after some time, try talking it out. 

7. Be Supportive

Nothing kills a positive spirit like a negative or absent response to something you are too excited about. Make sure you don’t take the happiness off your partner’s mind by being less responsive or not lending an ear. 

8. Translate Feelings into Actions

“Actions always speak louder than words.” 

Expressing your love by doing things that your partner values bears more weight than just saying “I love you.”

9. Respect Each Other while Arguing

It’s too tempting to use all the ammunition you have in the heat of battle. But have you ever thought it leads you to nowhere? Don’t forget to maintain the beauty of the relationship by being respectful even while arguing. 

10. Give What You Expect

If you seek more attention, give it. If you need more time, find time for your partner. No matter what it is, if you need it, make sure to provide the same to your partner. That way, you will convey your demands better and make your partner feel secure and protected.

Conclusion

In order to have a flourishing relationship with your partner, each of you has to invest yourself in the efforts. More importantly, it requires both of you to commit to the working towards it. Start today by following the 10 tips given above. If you think of some more tricks that we are missing out, let us know.

Do you have a love life that can be compared to a roller coaster or is it a total snooze-fest? There are chances that you have a string of crappy partners. But, you cannot strike out the chances of you being the guilty of sabotaging your love life in numerous ways unknowingly. Maybe it stems from past relationships. Trust issues. Low self-esteem. There can be tons of reasons for you to be self-sabotage in relationships. 

Let’s know some of these to prevent them from damaging our love lives. 

1. You Don’t Let People In

Clearly, you cannot simply get into a relationship if you disallow people to enter your life. Even though people say you can’t help who you fall in love with, this is not true for everyone. Some people have the ability to lock down their feelings and force people to stay away. Not every time it is the fear of being emotional, sometimes people can keep a large part of themselves secret. Unless you trust your partner with yourself and your feelings, a relationship will only end up as another failure. 

2. You are Extremely Judgemental

Judgments can be one of the most damaging weapons in a relationship. It tells your partner that it’s not okay to be themselves. Moreover, it develops resentment over time and damages even the most intimate relationship. Even if the relationship survives the corrosive effect of the judgment, you still suffer.

Understand that it is essential for you to listen to your partner and offer them valuable advice without being judgemental whenever they need. Be open to their individuality and embrace it. That’s the best gift you can give someone. 

3. You Have a Low Self-Esteem

Each one of you is important for your relationship. Your self-esteem, the way you treat and feel about yourself, is vital. Having low self-esteem makes you look down upon yourself and creates an impression in your mind that you don’t deserve to be treated well. Additionally, it causes you to become guarded or explore security and stability in the wrong places. 

Whether you are in a relationship or not, make yourself and your happiness top priority. That way, you will be able to work on your betterment and enhance your outlook towards a relationship. 

4. You Have Unrealistic Expectations

Do you assume things? Do you automatically convince yourself that your partner is your knight in shining armor? Or do you think your date is going to break your heart? Or do you expect big romantic gestures for your birthday when you haven’t even communicated about what you want?

Hang on! You are just overburdening your partner with unrealistic expectations.

Sometimes we complicate our own relationship with such things. While it may seem perfectly fine to you, it is nothing but a self-fulfilling prophecy which is totally unfair to your partner. It is rather better to go slow and see how things move.

5. You Regularly Flake on Plans With Your Partners

No matter how many peppy conversations you have during day time or what level of understanding you demonstrate on the calls, it’s always better to go out and spend some time together. If you have been finding excuses to avoid these meetings and bailing out, you are on the way to ending your dating life. 

If you don’t really enjoy the idea of cafe dates, explore what’s that thing that you both love doing. It can be shopping, or simply watching kids playing in your favorite park. Talk your way through it and use the idea to identify the definition of a perfect date.

6. You Look For Your Date’s Flaws

Bad dates can be exhausting, emotionally draining, and frustrating. But the dates once gone are gone forever, don’t let it creep into your mind so deep to affect your future dates. Blaming negative dating experiences on everyone else and keeping a bitter attitude from one date to next is something that only takes away all the fun off your love life. Approach each date as a completely new venture and don’t generalize or judge based on past experiences. 

7. You are Still Dwelling on the Past

There are many singles out there who have recently been out of a relationship or a bad marriage, and still think they are ready to hop into a new one. Although sometimes they really are, at times, there is negative aura present around them that reflects in the conversations on new dates. While that might appear completely alright for you, to your date, it might be a red flag making them run away from you.

8. You are Putting Up Too Many Filters

If you have a well-crafted checklist defining how your partner should be, you’re all up for a big disappointment. There have been people rejecting dates just because they do not satisfy the hypothetical parameters they’ve put up. And all this in the name of “not willing to settle.” While that seems phenomenal to you, it only ends up your chances to find someone. The key lies in identifying what makes you both unique and how can you contribute to the relationship with these traits. Aim to foster a deep relationship rather than a perfect one. 

The Bottom Line

Sometimes, we are not even aware of the small things that we do that sabotage our relationships. The ones mentioned above are the simplest examples to it. Can you think of more? Or would you like to suggest a remedy to overcome these? Write to us and let us know.